Fragmented Thoughts Chapter 16 (ReaderxLoki)

You haven't seen Loki since the awkward situation on the plane after the mission. The rest of the team have acted like this is normal for the god to randomly disappear and never show up. Thor has been the only one to really look for the other god, and sometimes, Thor would return from Loki's room with a frustrated and stressed expression on his face. You always wanted to find him, to apologize, but every time you pass through the hallway and walk to his door, a void of dark, foreboding energy pushes you away, and you're too scared to enter.
Finally, on a dreary day, while you're sitting on your bed and writing in a small notebook Tony has given you, you hear a door creak slowly open and footsteps exit into the hallway and away from your room. The steps are quiet, but you can still hear them over the gentle tapping of the rain on the window. Setting your notebook and pencil aside, you go out to see who it is. As you open the door, the ghostly shadow of the stranger leaves the other end of the hallway and disappears. You can tell, though, from the silhouette of the long flowing jacket that it's the god you've been wondering about. Cautiously, you follow, trying to stay as silent as possible.
The tall, dark form of Loki walks solemnly to the back stairs, going to the balcony of the residential floors. You wonder if it's safe to follow. After several moments of silence, listening for any movement, you follow him up the steps, hoping he hasn't gone into any of the other rooms. Your steps are quiet, your fluffy socks making no sound on the polished steps. The flight of stairs travels up to the highest floor of Stark's Tower, where a glass observatory and balcony stick out of the building over the skyline below. No one is here but that black silhouette, standing behind the glass panes, his body turned away from you.
As you soundlessly move into the room, you hear his voice shatter the silence.
"I know why you followed me," his accented voice interrupts, "and I am telling you that it is best you left me alone."
You stop. Should you? Should you leave him? You don't want to, not until you apologize. You stand still, not moving, but answer him.
"I wanted to apologize...for what I said," you say to him. "I didn't know..."
He waves his hand, and you close your mouth, but by choice, not force of magic. He lowers his hand slowly and speaks again. "Rarely do people pay attention to the outcasts until their ugly features are shown, for the world to see," he says. His voice, God, your heart breaks. You feel for him. You understand. You step closer to him.
"I was made fun of as a kid," you tell him. You hear him scoff under his breath as if he doesn't believe you.
"I was," you say, stepping beside him, not looking to his eyes, but to the rain. "I was goofy looking. I had a big nose, funny eyes, and big ears. I liked things none of the other kids liked. So they made fun of me and never let me play with them." You continue with your story, hoping it's something for Loki to relate to, or at least ease his pain. "So I hid behind the crowd and left everyone alone, and just tried not to be seen."
"Like a shadow," he says.
"Yeah."
The rain, light and quiet, pitters against the glass, falling like small tears from the gray sky. No flash of lightning or rolling thunder, only the soft ambiance of rain to the sensitive moment between the two of you. It fills the air with a whisper of encouragement, like the rain itself is telling you that it'll all be okay, it'll all be okay.
"I was abandoned by my true parents," Loki began. You look to him, curious, and a little surprised. He continues, his emerald eyes downcast. "Odin, the victor of the war of that time, found me as an infant. He took mercy on my soul, and adopted me as his own. Even though I was raised as his child, as an equal, I was excluded, outcast, by the rest of the world. Try as he might to make me equal, it never ended that way." He took a visible breath. "I was...a prince, as was Thor. We were two princes, competing for the same throne. Only one of us may take it. I found him unfit for the throne, but when I found out I was..." he swallows, "...adopted...I felt that I was truly the one unworthy of the throne. An outsider, the son of the enemy. Thor reconciled my pain, my betrayal, and stood beside me before my father, but...I could never truly see Odin as my father. Not anymore."
You feel as if your heart is actually, physically bleeding. To know you're the one who was unfit, simply because you were different....it was a reality you wish he didn't know about.
"At least he tried to raise you like he was yours, right?" you say. "He could have just raised you differently anyways."
He looks to you, his eyes expressing more pain and anguish than you thought could ever be seen in those enchanting eyes of his. After a moment, he nods, and looks away, releasing you from the paralyzing stare. "I suppose."
Again, silence fills the air, and you stand there, looking out to the rain, your mind working desperately for something to help him. You want him to know he's not alone, that he isn't the only one who's suffered. But how?
"You're not the only one," you say. Damn, that was stupid and useless.
He laughs dryly and looks to you. "You sound like Thor. He always speaks of my pain as a passing tribulation, a struggle I will overcome. As if I have no reason to feel as if I am the weakest, the forgotten, the second best."
Great. Now you sound like Thunderhead. You look to him, daring those emerald green eyes. "I'm not saying that. I'm saying you're not alone. I've felt the same way, my whole life. Like I truly don't matter, I'm too different, too weird to belong. Like I'm not worth noticing, like I don't deserve being given attention or shown love." You pause, waiting for an answer, but continue. "But that's not how it is anymore. I don't have to feel that way and neither do you."
His head leans away sharply and his eyebrows arch. He looks to you, taken by surprise by your assertive explanation. Did it help? Or did you only hurt him more? You wish, desperately, that you could see what he is thinking, to know he's not ignoring you. After a moment of his eyes searching you, fixing you there as he ponders silently, he looks away. You sigh, exhaling, but keep your eyes to him as worry still fills you. What is he thinking? Did he believe you? Several moments pass of failing to get any answer out of him  and you look back to the rain, your mind working overtime.
"...Apology accepted," he says finally. Your turn to look at him with surprise. He forgives you?
"Perhaps you're right, Psych," he says, not looking to you. His voice is plain, devoid of emotion, as if he is deep in thought. "Only time will tell."
Well, that was a good enough answer, you suppose. You look back to the rain. "Any way you can make time go faster, magic man?"
You hear a slight chuckle beside you. A small smile spreads across your lips. At least you could pull a laugh from him. All you wanted was for him to feel better.
"...Answer me with honesty," he says and looks to you. You fix your eyes to his, again, trapped within his gaze. "Why did you seek me out? Why have you come to find me, when the others have kept their distance?"
"Because I don't want you to feel bad," you explain as best you can. "I don't want to make you feel bad towards me. I feel bad for saying it. So I wanted to apologize. And because no one deserves to be alone, really. Not to me anyway."
A smile, a warm glow fills those cold gems in his eyes, and your heart warms. There it is, that smile. You'd never seen him smile before, you realize, and now you see just how beautiful it is. It seems like his pale skin glows with a slight gold light, his eyes sparkling, the ice and strain you usually see now replaced with genuine happiness. You smile back, happy to finally see the frowning god smiling for once.
He looks away to the sky, where the rain has stopped, and the clouds are painted pale pink and peach, the sky a soft blue, by the evening light.
"Perhaps," he says. "Perhaps."

And right now, you really don't care what he says. You just know, and feel good knowing, you finally managed to pull a smile from that stone cold heart, and made a god feel better about something he's hurting from. To you, in this moment, that's all that really matters.